I can't tell you how helpful this site has been for me in preparing for another talk with my teen. I am reading the book and then going to give it to her. It is called a progressive sexuality guide to get through high school and college. It is very comprehensive. I really liked this Readiness Checklist for Sex:
THE CHECKLIST: Relationship Items:I hope this site is helpful for others. It's really helped me. Sex has such a different meaning to this generation of teens than it did during my generation or even my 26 year old sons generation.
I am able to express my wants, needs and limits. I can and do trust my partner to respect them. My partner can do the same, and can trust me to respect their limits and boundaries.
I feel I can assess what I want for myself, separate from what my partner, friends or family want, and think my partner can, too.
Sex of any kind is optional for us both: it isn't and doesn't feel like a requirement.
I am able to trust my partner, and am trustworthy myself.
I feel able to communicate with my partner honestly, even when it's awkward, and I feel my partner can do the same.
I am comfortable being unclothed and physically intimate with my partner to the degree what we're going to do involves either or both, and feel they're comfortable in the same ways with me.
I care about my partner's health, emotions and general well-being, and act -- not just talk -- accordingly, and can say the same for them. Any kind of sex between us so far feels balanced, like it is about pleasure for both of us, not just one of us.
I feel like the emotional and intellectual maturity levels of my partner and myself are similar.
I have a good handle on what consent to sex is and also what non-consent is.
I don't have any strong religious, cultural or family beliefs or convictions right now that this sex or partner for me, right now, is wrong.
I can and do take full responsibility for my own emotions, expectations and actions, as does my partner.
I can handle being disappointed, confused, or upset, as can my partner. I can also handle positive feelings which might surprise me or feel intense.
I have at least one member of my family, a friend or some other trusted person -- who is not my sexual partner -- who cares for me and who I can talk to honestly about sex, my sexuality and sex life, my sexual relationships; who I know will always have my back and be honest with me. My partner has someone like that in their life, too.
I know that sex and love can co-exist, but also that they are not the same -- even if I love the person I am considering or having sex with. I do not seek to have sex to use it to manipulate, control or influence my partner or to try and "earn" or prove love.
I understand having sex could change my relationship for good or for the worse, and feel I can handle whatever may happen, good or bad alike. I'm ready to be surprised.
I am prepared to deal with social or cultural judgment based on my choice to be sexually active.
I feel I can emotionally handle a possible pregnancy (if the sex I am having poses that risk), disease or infection, or rejection from my partner.
I feel like I am in a sound emotional state to be sexual with someone else in a healthy way for us both.
I want to have sex for its own sake, not something else I'm hoping sex will substitute for.
I have or can get access to sexual or general healthcare of some kind, and so can my partner.
I understand the basics of my own anatomy and my partners anatomy, as well as the basics of sex, STIs and human reproduction, when applicable.
I have a good idea of when I am sexually aroused, and also know when I am not, have some idea of what I need to be aroused, or when I simply cannot get aroused, and I have a similar familiarity with my partner's arousal, and they with their own.
I can relax during physical affection and sexual activities without a lot of fear, anxiety or shame.
I can handle a mild level of physical discomfort that might happen now and then, and if I have any pain conditions, I know how to manage them and tell a partner how to manage them. I am also comfortable with experiencing physical pleasure in front of and with my partner.
Are you a woman thinking about penis-in-vagina intercourse? If you are, become acquainted with what options and limitations there are for you -- particularly if you are a legal minor -- when it comes to an accidental pregnancy. Using reliable birth control, especially two methods, makes pregnancy much less likely, but even good methods used properly fail sometimes. If you absolutely, positively do NOT want to become pregnant and/or remain pregnant, and you either are not okay with the kinds of sex which do NOT present pregnancy risks until you are of an age or in a position to be able to make whatever choice you'd want to with a pregnancy.
I have or can get several condoms, dams and/or gloves -- whichever I need for the specific sexual activities I want to engage in and the level of risk myself and my partner are prepared to manage, whatever the outcome -- and both I and my partner know how and when to use them. We're both willing to do so without argument.
I have or can get a bottle or tube of lubricant (KY, Liquid Silk, Astroglide, Wet, etc.) for use as needed.
If I am having opposite-sex intercourse, and I or my partner are not comfortable using condoms alone (or at all), I have a secondary method of birth control. If I am using condoms alone, I and my partner know how to use them properly and know my partner will do his or her part to always use them.
I have a list, or know where to find one easily, of local sexual health clinic or gynecologist phone numbers.
I can have access to some money I can use should I need to take care of any needed birth control, safer sex items and annual testing and sexual health care or sexual crisis management, like abortion, for myself or my partnership AND/OR am aware of and participating in a national, state or city program which can provide me with, or subsidize all or some of, my needed birth control, safer sex, sexual health or sexual crisis management, like abortion.
I am or could be covered under a health insurance policy or public health program, which could cover pregnancy, neonatal care, gynecological visits, STI testing and/or birth control, or I have or can raise the funds to pay for these services out of pocket myself.